From my head into my hands.

I don’t know if this is true for you or not, but I can get stuck in my head real easy. The thing (whatever the thing is at the moment) gets stuck on a feedback loop in my head and just repeats and repeats and grows in size in my head until it’s a big giant monster that has both my heart and my head tangled into a knot that needs removing (a knot that my husband, unfortunately, bears the brunt of most often). I’m stuck in my head and I can’t even name what is happening in there. 

This week was one of those weeks. 

I received some bad news on Wednesday (I’ll share soon, I’m certain… but for now, suffice it to say it’s medical and both not a big deal and also a big deal and I’m feeling vulnerable and feeling my age and thinking all the things… I told you it’s a big giant knot, right?!). So here’s what I did today: 

I cooked and baked and cooked some more. All day. Ten hours nonstop. [An impromptu Thanksgiving feast, no less].

Why?!

Because when my head and my heart get tangled into a big old knot, the most sure way that I know how to begin detangling it is to lock myself in my kitchen and start cooking and baking and creating. It doesn’t really matter what it is, but the hours locked away in the kitchen unlock a mystery in me that is too powerful not to share with you. As I knead, as I smell the aromas, as I taste the flavors, as I mix and add more garlic, more butter, more sugar (staples, right?!), the mystery unfolds… the knot begins to untangle. The big thoughts, the big fears, the big feels, the big what-if’s … they start losing their power as I move them out of my head and start moving them into my hands. 

I know that this isn’t a new revelation or a particularly magical one… but dear friend, this is indeed magic to me, for I do not know another way to untangle the knot. Cooking, the kitchen, hospitality…. This is the way for me. I’m quite certain that the presence of the Holy Spirit is so very present in the elements (the bread and wine) as I cook that His very presence is the thing that is healing me, calming me, giving me peace…. Moving the big fears out of my head and right out of me.  

So, when I get stuck in my head - tangled in my fears and my feels - I cancel all plans, I start planning a menu, I place my grocery order, I pull back my hair and I welcome God into me - to do the mystery that I know not, but I submit to anyways… and every time, there He meets me.