A Grief Timeline, Borrowed from Hospice

As follow-up to a post on social media, here is the promised grief timeline that Hospice so graciously shared with me (in their words, not my own). I’m hoping that re-sharing this tool helps us all in grace for ourselves and for others.

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Grief “Timeline”

  • First 48 Hours:

    • The shock from death can be very intense during this time, and the emotions can be very frightening. it is common for details to be found as a coping strategy during the first few hours.

  • First Week:

    • Many of the actions during this time are automatic: funeral planning, calling relatives, taking care of business. This is often a time of gathering strength to do what has to be done and may be followed by a time of emotional and physical exhaustion.

  • Second to Fifth Weeks:

    • This time period is often characterized by a feeling of abandonment as friends and family members return to their normal routines after the funeral. If the bereaved is trying to maintain a job, the employer may expect the bereaved to be recovered and fully functional at work. Some residual denial may still be insulating the bereaved from the full impact of the loss, so they may say things like, “Well, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I can handle this.”

  • Sixth to Twelfth Weeks:

    • It’s during this time that the anesthetic of denial may wear completely off and the reality of the loss hits full force. Some of the things that the bereaved person may experience during this time are:

      • Sleep changes

      • Unpredictable, uncontrollable bouts of crying

      • Onset of fear, sometimes paranoia

      • Inability to concentrate

      • Fatigue, generalized weakness

      • Muscle tremors

      • Lack of drive / motivation

      • Extreme mood swings

      • Change in appetite

      • Desire for isolation

      • Need to talk about the deceased

      • Physical symptoms of distress

      • Overly sensitive to others

      • Forgetfulness

      • Searching for the deceased

      • Slowed thinking

      • Vivid dreams

      • Sense of loved one’s presence

      • Trying not to talk about the loss

      • Needing to retell the story of…

      • Restlessness

      • Questioning beliefs

  • Third to Fifth Months:

    • During this time the bereaved individual may experience a decreased tolerance for frustration. A cycle of “good days and bad days” often develops. It is during this time that the immune system is often diminished, and it is common for bereaved individuals to repeatedly fall sick.

  • Six to Twelve Months:

    • The first anniversary of the death can be the hardest day of all for the bereaved. It usually lasts three or four days. If the quality of the grief work done during the year has been high, this may also be the beginning of resolution.

  • Eighteen to Twenty-Four Months:

    • This is typically the time that resolution often occurs. The raw pain has healed and the bereaved individual is able to bear the pain of separation enough to proceed with life. There is an emotional “letting go” that occurs and the person no longer uses the death as the focal point around which all the rest of life revolves.

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Katie Castro